THE HOLY SEE – Following the completion of a current read-through of acclaimed coming of age novel The Catcher within the Rye, Pope Francis used a personal Mass sermon to criticize individuals he noticed as “phonies”.
“I just want to talk about some of the members of our church who say one thing but do another. They’re all a bunch of phonies. Better to be an atheist than a phony, I say,” the Pope acknowledged in his handle to these assembled earlier than him.
“Also my chambermaid, Rosa, who told me she washed my cassock but definitely didn’t. Big phony,” he continued.
The Pope’s record of phonies included at the very least three bishops, two cardinals, his gardener, actor Sam Neill, the baristas on the Vatican City espresso store Holy Joe’s, and – oddly – Saint Peter.
“It was kind of a strange speech, especially when he started talking about how he wants to visit Central Park and watch the ducks migrate,” mentioned Cardinal Martino, Protodeacon of the Church, “Honestly, he’ll move onto something else soon enough. I’ll lend him Jurassic Park in a week or two. We’re just happy he’s reading.”
Sources near the Pope report that they’re rising involved because the Pope has lately began speaking about how he needs to shoot John Lennon.